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Mommavation Monday:Get the tissue box handy

To Young Mothers of Toddlers and Babies

Posted by Rebecca Reynolds on 03 May 2013 / 6 Comments and 2 Reactions

There’s something I wish I could give to my friends who are moms of toddlers and babies. I wish I could give you a taste of what I see, now that my oldest children are teenagers.

I want to give this to you, because I know you are tired. I know it feels like some of those long days of service will never end, and that you aren’t doing any good, and that you are just getting old, wasting your whole life along the way.

I remember years of feeling like that.

I remember feeling like we had no money, because we were making hard choices for my kids’ best interest. I didn’t work, and that meant even basic luxuries were often out of range. I will never forget that manicured career woman who spoke her easy answer into my brokenness and fatigue.

“Just get a maid,” she said. A maid. We were choosing between books and milk at that point. I cried later that night, it burned so badly.

I remember feeling like I was wasting my life, and that I never had any time to do anything I loved.

And it was just so terribly lonely so much of the time.

I remember how it seemed easy for other moms. They went with the flow. Dropped their kids off wherever to go wherever.

They let them watch whatever.

They avoided conflict by finding cliques and following trends.

They didn’t discipline their kids for offenses that put me in lock down.

I was the weirdo conservative.

Or sometimes, they followed trends to keep their children sheltered more than I did. I seemed reckless for letting my kids watch and do things too early.

I didn’t discipline my children for offenses that set others on edge.

I was the weirdo liberal.

I could never get anything finished. There was always a new mess. Always a project undone. It seemed like I was a failure every single day.

There was such a constant sense of need. Such a constant sense of not being enough.

So many questions. So many fears.

Today my son drove me to school. He’s been doing that a couple of weeks now. He’s a wonderful driver, cautious and kind.

Along the way, we had a discussion about Flannery O’Connor, about the radical gospel of Brennan Manning, and about stepping protectively into the lives of women caught in the adult entertainment industry.

He said, “Like Hosea. That’s the kind of love we’re talking about.”

And I got all teary. Because he’s not perfect, and because we fight sometimes, and because it’s still hard most days. We still don’t have much money, and I still feel like sometimes that I have lost myself.

But mostly, I am overwhelmed that the living God would take all those years of not really knowing what to do, and all those years of feeling like I was dying and wasting, and all that hurt, and turn them into a young man so bright and so beautiful.

And not only a young man, but a daughter, golden and sensitive, who loves science, and yarn, and beads. Who gets giddy talking about cellular division. Whose eyes are as clear and blue as the skies over the ocean.

They are going to change the world. I can feel it.

And there is this little one trailing after them. Five, and so much work, and so much joy. He is still at that age of requiring everything, and there are days when I feel old, and lonely, and exhausted. Like I am failing him, in all of his wonder, and tenderness, and hope. Like I am failing everyone.

But you know, there are hard choices yet to be made. A God who loves him. A God who redeems the nothing I have left to give.

And so, don’t despair, even though today feels like water passing through your hands. Even though nothing you have done since you woke up this morning feels like it has been right.

Know God is near. Know that He sees you. Know that He sees the faith it takes to walk forward in this chaos.

Know that someday soon, your little boy (or girl) will be driving you to school, and you will take a big deep breath of gratitude. Because everything will have been worth it after all.

Too Many Tears

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Our send off breakfast.  The last Mamaw’s breakfast we’ll get for a while, also one of the many reasons I can’t find my ankles.  Our vaca is over.  It’s back to reality.  It never gets easier to leave and the desire to stay gets more and more intense each time we come down.  The hubby wasn’t prepared to listen to the waterworks all the way to Arkansas.

Man it has been an awesome trip.  I’m amazed and blessed to have such a great family.  This kind of love just doesn’t happen anymore.  Everyone is who they wanna be.  No fronts, no facades, no pretentiousness.  You get what ya see. Genuineness and love.  The legacy of my grandparents speaks volumes.

Friday Favs

1. I’m addicted to this new light weight hoodie from my crossfit gym.  All the proceeds went to Children’s hospital which was extra awesome.

2. Bare Naked Mangos  These have changed my life.  Nuff said.

3.   Andrew Garcia wrote this powerful article for churches on how to hang on to the 20-30 generation.

Picture

I sure love Ron

Explanation

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/erin-henry/crossfit-benefits_b_2517656.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false

3.6 Happy, Happy, Happy

Let’s just say “Grace” isn’t so graceful!  I’m still riding high on my lack of indulgence yesterday.  That is until today at lunch.  With our April snowstorm, the a.m. class was cancelled so I made time on my lunch to go get a WOD in.  The name was “Grace”.  Now I’ve learned in my short time being there(Crossfit Salvo), that if there’s not a lot of detail and volume to the workout, it’s gonna be a killer.  Such as today.  30 Clean and jerks for time.  Girl’s were recommended to have #95, but I could only do #85.  And it took me all of 7 minutes…and I was the last one to finish.  Ugh.  Better tomorrow I hope!

Food today has been excellent.  I’ve been exploring Eat To Perform.  I’m still not sure what it’s all about, but I ordered some product because they are extremely pure and organic in they’re contents.  And I’m always looking for that.  I’ll let ya know as I go.  The general consensus I’ve found on the site is that most people aren’t eating enough.  I filled out they’re BMR calculator and this spit out.  And yes…I did have a heart attack at the amount.

Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE): 3,196 calories

Protein
Grams: 375
Calories: 1,499
Percentage: 47%
Carbs
Grams: 256
Calories: 1,022
Percentage: 32%Fat
Grams: 75
Calories: 675
Percentage: 21%

I don’t think I’ll be following this without some major, major, major research.  Although, the restrictive diet I had been doing pretty much since adolescence isn’t working…so we’ll see.  After this Crossfit/Paleo challenge I’ll see how my very much abused body does and go from there.

But in the mean time how bout some pics of the beautiful Spring snow?

spring snow 3 spring snow 4spring snow 2 spring snow

Tasty Tuesday: Soapbox Serenade

I am jumping on that soapbox for a minute so brace yourselves…I made it through several hours of goodie baking without even tasting anything!!  I mean no licks, no dabs, no  nothing!  There were a couple close calls, but no follow throughs…that’s right just call me the pillar of willpower.  Booya!

K, I’ve stepped down, but seriously, take a look at the treat for the kiddie’s classmates tomorrow.  It’s curious George week at school and after a small eternity on Pinterest…Voila!

Now, I put aside my aversion of demon chimpanzees for a brief moment in the sole desire of my kids who wanted monkey cookies.

1491Lemony Citrus Cookies

Brownie Pop Hats (minus the stick…I did a lot of modulation from the gal with this recipe)  Be forewarned.  These Hats are UBER messy to make!

3.5

If you’re already sick of my food/workout/whining diary, I sympathize.  I’m pretty sick of it too.  but I committed to this and by golly I’m a gonna do it!  Got in a Jillian DVD this am before work, then got away from work on my lunch break to get a WOD in.  This week’s challenge for the 30 Paleo/Crossfit challenge is 100 PU.  I got 70 of them done today after the WOD, and hoping to get the rest done tomorrow.  Food was pretty awesome today.  I ate heavy this am, but backed of pretty well after lunch.  The girl’s teacher’s helper made me some AMAZING salsa.  Honestly the best I’ve had.  EVER.  I’m stoked to use it in all my salads and chicken breasts this week.  Thank you Ms. Adriana!!

I’m so thankful for the girl’s preschool and the staff.  They are a God send and I am so pleased with the care my girls receive.  I’m going to be sad when they out grow it:(

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Whole 30 3.3-3.4

IMG_20130412_185736_932We had a beautiful day!  April is shaping up nicely with snow, sunshine, and smiles.  Well all smiles until your older and substantially heavier sister body slams you on the trampoline.  A few tears wiped later, all smiles again.  3.3 and 3.4 were relatively smooth.  Continuing with my smoothie mornings, I’m staying full till lunch which has satisfied me till dinner.  I went a little heavy on the nuts for snacks, which resulted in a healthy self loathing shower before bed, but alas…tomorrow is a new day.

As for the workouts.  3.3 wasn’t exactly fun, but it was a welcome relief from “Badger”.  Sunday is my rest day and it lived up to it’s purpose (well, I spent 4 hours at a photo shoot, but we’re talking sweat rest.)  My weekends have been all work with little room for play.  I am SOOOO looking forward to May and Alabama!

 

Short and sweet, just how Mondays outta be

Monday and snow.  I’m glad for it.  I’m not quite ready for the blistering heat dimming the excitement of summer.  Got in a tiny 30 min workout this morning before work, then survived the WOD at Crossfit Salvo on my lunch.  Today is the beginning of the Paleo/Crossfit challenge at the gym.  Saturday was the humiliating measurement session, but Lord willing I won’t see those numbers again!